Dusting this area again. have neglected this writing space as my English is bad. my feelings may not make sense/ below just random thoughts without organising my thoughts, let it be raw.
Shall I pour out my feelings onto this blog? will it be a safe space? I felt there's no longer a safe space to journal thoughts anymore, even in writing. The world had turned into commercial and judgemental whenever someone speak honestly / act how they feel at certain moments/ phase in life. Or human always like that across all past generations? Always felt not to overshare things/ or interesting that amazed me, may not appear the same to others.
What have I become so far? Been working in Admin field for the past ten years (from receptionist, HR, production assistant and PR assistant). To be honest, none I liked that much. But I could do receptionist well, production assistant responsibilities require more physical efforts.
Will my life be different and get better after graduating from part-time visual course? I always doubt myself. How to stop having multiple or second thoughts on my decision made.
Will my life be different if I were to just take up Indesign or layout skills and practice as PR layout / packing person? How will it be different if I were to restart from zero as an entirely fresh but "old" curious millennial. Will I even get an internship opportunity by this October / before my course ends march 2026. I always wonder which industry will I design for?
if I were to just take up InDesign, how far will that take me? Just being able to do presentation editorial layout? how soon/ how long would I be able to survive doing that in coming years? I know that no matter either path I take, it will be stressful and swam of workload. Drawing an exact career path is full of uncertainty being an adult, I felt that I was never enough/ ready to deal with on-coming challenges without talents, just skills. Will my career direction be right this time? I have no one to advise me. I do not know which would I be able to do well and succeed. I wish to start a family, of course, but the fear I have from setting out my life path already faced so much obstacles, wasted many years getting lost in life.
Now I am on the path to graduating from vis comm (2nd diploma) in my mid-30s, I felt at least I tried, get to experience as a part time design student. Just like what people said, life is about experiencing. But I wasn't ready to face what's on-coming, as I felt I'm lack of talent and experience in the design field which continuously facing ageism issue within the industry. But I do remind myself to stay curious, fear of missing out what's trending / inspo so not to be stay out of place or design stuff that are uncool. To me, I do felt imbalance when design has to steer in directions of what's social trends for brands to stay relatable than having the brand uniqueness (Kodak, yes failure in just staying as OG, not following trend). What can I do? I can only follow / spot trends then add on my style to be accepted by public. Why life need to be validated by surrounding, so to fit myself into some group? Why design can only look pleasing to eyes when it's populated / trending, such as aesthetics comes first before design principles? made me doubts all the times. I know, I know, as designer, the correct way of design shall be practical/ functional and not focus on just solely aesthetics. but for the sale of public eyes, sigh.... I guess I need to find a balance between trending/ and holding on the design principles. sometimes design can just be aesthetic without considering design principle/ or timeless.....
I really wonder, where will design take me.... for my mid-career switch......in tiny island country.
sigh, I dont even understand my above thoughts actually.
